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THE ASYLUM

I had been watching them for a while now. They were strange , even for an asylum. I h had a chance to observe them .I wanted to keep my distance though , they were obviously insane a and dangerous. And the more I observed the more it looked like the asylum was built to house the weirdest of cases.

The fat lady, behind the table, for instance, apparently she had been a patient here for the last 30 years now. And in all these 30 years, every morning without exception, she would sit behind the table and start looking at the clock. And every evening, she would get up and go out. She would occasionally scribble and religiously arranged her scribbles into neat piles. Some of these piles were gathering dust , she had built them over the years. No body ever read what she wrote , but she very zealously guarded those piles . She would shout and yell at anyone who approached anywhere near her piles. She looked disapprovingly at anyone who even said hello to her. She just loved to scribble and occasionally shout. Everybody avoided her . They realized she was too insane. I wanted to talk to her , but then I told myself she was insane and it is better to watch only from a distance.

And then there were the guys in the garden. Every evening, they would start running and yelling and pushing each other. They would occasionally even kick each other. Some of them got hurt and even bled. Then there were guys who would watch them run and push and would let out loud cries, whenever someone got hurt. And occasionally, there would be fist fights between two people, as to who pushed who. Then everyone would gather around and join in the fight. Then they would leave swearing. And the next day again, they would start running, yelling and pushing and fighting. No body stopped them or said anything. Obviously they were too insane to listen. I wanted to shout at them , and make them stop hurting each other , but then I told myself they were insane and it is better to watch only from a distance.

Then there was this bespectacled man who had apparently been here for the last 10 years. He looked emaciated and haggard and care worn. His clothes were always disheveled and in bad taste. He was a pity to look at , the poor guy. He was 40 , but looked 60 . He always coughed and couldn’t help shaking all the time and had a wild look in his eye. Every morning , he would come to me , and pretend to take my pulse . He would then ask me how I was feeling and if I would like something. It would have been really funny , if not for the weird smell coming from him . He smelt of stale food and medicines. I would simply cower away from him. He would then smile and repeat the question. By then , I would be gagging from the smell , and I would shake my head. He would then stare at me for a while and then go away. The crazy bastard !! I saw him do this to a few others a couple of times. Poor fellow , thinking something was wrong with everyone else except him!! . People always had a good laugh at him behind his back. I pitied the guy and wanted to tell him that , but then I told myself he was insane and it is better to watch only from a distance.

And of course there was this tough looking guy , who sported a moustache. He was burly and huge , more than 6 ft tall. He wore a cloth cap , and always said his prayers five times a day. And during the other time he would always stand in a corner staring at everyone. Then he would suddenly yell at someone and become silent again. I would sometimes see him in the garden running and yelling when he got tired of standing in the corner. And he was a mean fighter. Everybody was afraid of him. He always had a mean look in his eye. A mean look for everyone , except for another pretty patient. He liked her. With her , he would always be nice and polite . He would hold open the door for her , push forward a chair for her , sometimes even get her flowers from the garden. It was really cute to watch this crazy , burly man around her. He would try to talk to her , but she would be rude to him and say mean things about him , about his cap , about praying five times a day. He would become red in the face , and that’s when he would go into the garden to run and yell . He would get into a fight and come back and continue standing in the corner. And he would have brought flowers for her from the garden. He was so beyond salvage , that no body even mentioned this to him. I wanted to talk to him , but then told myself , he was insane , and that it is better to watch only from a distance.

And the pretty patient, she was really pretty. She was so pretty, that I always felt sorry for her that she was insane. She was nice to everyone and sometimes brought everyone fruit juice. She was also very devout. She would in fact pray more than five times a day. She could always be seen lighting candles before the photos of the gods in the asylum. I was always surprised that they let an insane person handle fire in the asylum , but then I figured , she was a harmless , sweet thing and was just praying. So I guess no harm done. She could always be heard singing bhajans loudly in the evening in the asylum. So far so good . If this is the only that I had seen of her , I wouldn’t have suspected her to be crazy. But for some reason , she hated the mustached guy. Apparently, she had been like that since the first time she had met him 5 years ago when she had joined the asylum. She would be rude to him , not give him fruit juice and said mean things to him ,usually about his prayers and his cloth cap. And then she would go off and start singing loudly again. I always got angry with her , but then told myself she was insane ,. and that it is better I watch only from a distance.

The five would occasionally get together, and start talking in whispers. They would see me observing them , and would huddle closer together and talk .

They were doing so now. I craned forward to listen to them.

“No Mrs. S , I don’t want to look at his file again , really , you can keep it with you”, the bespectacled man was telling the fat lady. She was trying to interest him in one of her scribbles. He sounded exasperated .She said something rude.

“And please Ms. P , could you stop making comments with racial overtones.”, he was telling the pretty patient ,” Discrimination is bad in itself , at least don’t be so mean to a guy who obviously likes you.” .

“And Mr. T , cant you see she doesn’t like you , just stop bothering her , and those football games are becoming way too violent “, he was telling the mustached guy.

“And I guess we should now take a look at our star patient ”, he said coughing.

“What was his problem again Dr.D ?”, Mr.T asked.

“He thinks insanity is contagious”, he said smiling and they all started moving towards my cell.

I cowered back in my cell. They were coming for me. I didn’t want them near me. They were obviously insane and could pass it on to me.

-

THE SEGMENTATION

“The Store: Customized Solutions” , the bright glow sign board said. It was a very impressive glow sign board. It was huge , 15 by 10 atleast , and glowed all bright red and dark green. I just loved it. And what the board was saying also seemed very intriguing.

I was standing outside of the store that the glow sign board was advertising. It had opened shop very recently. I had heard a lot about it in the news. One of the biggest business houses in the country , was getting into the retailing business. And they were the ones who had come up with this apparently novel format.

I couldn’t wait to walk in. For one , I have a weakness for huge , glowing sign boards , and two I was intrigued by what the board said. So , I walked into the store.

“Welcome Sir” , one of the attendants smiled at me. She was cute.

“Hi”, I said and smiled back . She was really cute.

“How can I help you sir , what are you looking for?” , she asked.

“Yeah …, well am looking for a toothbrush” , I said . Damn , she was cute.

“Right this way sir” ,she said , and led me to the dental care section , where there were whole racks filled with toothbrushes. I guess hundreds of them , in various shapes , sizes and colors and varieties.

I looked through the racks for a second , and picked one up and turned to go.

“Just a second sir”, she said . I was delighted , was she going to ask me out..?

I stopped and smiled at her . And as I waited she beckoned to someone. Another attendant walked up to us , with a laptop computer in his hands.

He nodded to me , and handed the computer over to her. She powered it up , and looked upto me and smiled once again.

“So sir , how old are you?”, she asked.

“uhhhhh…well….” , I was flustered, I hadn’t seen that coming.

She smiled at me , and asked again , “ Are you in the 25-40 years age group?”, she asked.

“Yeah ,” , I said , it was close.

She typed into her computer.

“And what would you say your yearly income would be?”

I was taken aback. “Excuse me , “ , I said .

“Would you say , you are in the 5 – 15 lac income segment ?”, she persisted.

“Yeah”, I said , getting more and more flustered.

“And are you self employed ?”, she asked .

“Yeah” , I said. This was getting now very very weird.

“Are you married , sir?”, she asked.

“Yes..” , I said reluctantly . There go my chances of being asked out , I thought.

“Hmmm..” , she said, noting all of it down. She typed something more , into her computer , and then stared into it for several minutes.

“Hmm..” , she said again after a while.

“The loser segment,” , she said , after a pause , “I have it all figured out now”

“Whattt?” , I asked.

“Nothing sir , ignore that”, she said, “as part of our ongoing efforts to improve customer experience , and provide him with the best of products and services , we have developed a software , which was the result of years of research into consumer behavior . Coupled with psychology and statistics , this is a really powerful software sir. We use it all the time. So allow me to customize a dental solution for you”

I was blown away. Wowww!!! I thought , so much effort , had been put into helping people with taking a decision like buying a toothbrush , and wowww again , she had called it a dental solution , not buying a toothbrush.

“Gooddyy” , I said , “lets hear it” .

“Ok , sir , first of all , I strongly advise , you buy three toothbrushes.” , she said.

“Why” , I asked , “I only need one, I mean , my wife and the kid have brand new ones already, And I can always walk into the store , and buy ano…..”

“But sir ,”, she cut me off , “weren’t you growing up during the war days , which was followed by drought. Come on , you have a scarcity mindset . What if all the toothbrushes in the store , are bought off and we run out of stock , and we don’t have another when you come back next time?”

“ I will go to another store “ , I said confused.

“What if , all the toothbrushes in the town are bought off sir , I mean wouldn’t it be inconvenient for you to drive to another town and buy them. Come on sir , you were brought up during the war , and you are supposed to have a scarcity mindset according to the software . Be true to your self sir , don’t try be somebody else.” , she said.

I was very confused now , but also ashamed , that I was not being myself , as she said.

“ok” , I said , “I will buy three” , and I reached out and picked a couple more identical to the ones that I had picked. They were all the same and all white.

“Sir….. “ , she said , eyeing my toothbrushes

Uh , oh …what had I done now ? What part of my personality was I not living upto this time. ?

“But sir , aren’t you the variety seeking type? I mean , you were bought up during the war , and that put a lot of restrictions on you , now that you are earning and self employed , you seek to express yourself and your freedom in a variety of ways . They are usually small as you don’t want to take undue risks , right sir? So why pick up all white? Be true to your self sir , don’t try be somebody else” , she said.

Damn , I had done it again , why couldn’t I be true to myself just once.

“ok,” , I said , and picked up a grey and a black colored toothbrush that were identical to the white one except for the colors.

I looked at her expectantly. Did I get it right this time?

She didn’t seem satisfied though. She was distastefully looking at my toothbrushes.

“But sir , now that you are self employed , and earning well and well settled , don’t you seek to show to the world atleast once in a while , that you have arrived , that you are different , don’t you really want to show off to the world , your status? The software says so right here sir . Be true to your self sir , don’t try be somebody else.” , she said.

I was near tears now . How can I keep doing this ? How can I not know myself ? How can I simply continue being someone else.?

I put the white one down and picked a bright orange toothbrush, looking at her expectantly. She frowned and I quickly put that one down and picked a yellow one. She seemed satisfied with this.

“Now sir , how about buying a toothpaste ?”, she asked.

“But I don’t need toothpaste , I have some at home.” , I said and the moment I said it , I regretted it. She frowned. It was going to be clear in a short while that I had betrayed some part of personality again.

“Sirrrrr..”, she said in an exaggerated fashion , my not being true to my own self , really seemed to be pissing her off, “ you are the type who looks for quality , comprehensive solutions. Being bought up during the war , had that effect on you. You are not the type who would simply buy a toothbrush and run out , you are not the type who buys products sir , you buy solutions. Be true to your self sir , don’t try be somebody else.” , she said , and this time she sounded angry.

Shitttt.. I thought ..not again . I was an idiot .

“Ok “, I said determined to make it upto her ,. “I shall buy three cartons of toothpaste , all three in different flavors , and one of them which comes in a bright yellow packing.” There , I had stayed true to my personality this time.

I looked at her for approval . I was so proud of myself.

She merely nodded.

“Sir ,” , she begin again , “ aren’t you going to buy anything for your wife ?“ , she asked.

“But she already has a toothbrush , and I just bought toothpaste too” , I said, almost pleading.

“But sir ,” , she said , “you were brought up during the war. And that has made you a family person. And you are the type , who would always give his wife her due , and respect and cherish her. And not buying anything for her , when you are buying something for yourself , makes you guilty. Isnt that right sir? Be true to your self sir , don’t try be somebody else.”

I was really feeling guilty now .How could I do that to my wife. I did love and cherish her.

“But .” , I said choking with emotion , “she already has a toothbrush.”

“Then how about a diamond ear ring sir? Being the type who is a family guy , you do want good things for her right ? I mean it was the war that made you so. Be true to your self sir , don’t try be somebody else.”, she said.

“Yes yes ..”, I said wiping my tears , “yes , a diamond earring will do.” What a solution. I wanted to hug her. But did not , as I was the family man type.

As I walked out of the store , with three toothbrushes , three cartons of toothpaste ,and a diamond earring , I thanked , the attendant , she had really made me realize my true self. I was never going to try to be somebody else again.

THE CONVERSATION

              

  She was neither particularly beautiful nor particularly alluring in anyway, atleast not in the conventional sense. Nor had she any particular feature that stood out or was striking to behold in any manner. In fact , she was quite plain to look at.

    Her complexion could have been called dusky, but was tending more towards the darker side. She had small expressionless eyes and a rather smallish nose. Slightly sunken cheeks below rather prominent cheekbones served to give her something of a proud air. Her shoulder length hair was severely tied back into a neat ponytail. She had a large forehead ,on which were a few strands of hair ,which had escaped the severe punishment inflicted on their other brethren , and as such were showing off their rebelliousness.

   She was thin of build and had smallish breasts. Her hips were wide for one with such thinness of build. She was dressed in a black, almost knee length kurti on blue jeans , which were jagged at the ends, She had on a pair of light brown floaters ,which advertised her uncut , slightly dirty toenails.

    As the reader can perceive , she was quite plain . One might not have given her a second look if one had seen her on a busy street or someplace crowded. However, the place where I was then , was neither a street nor was it crowded. In fact , excluding me, her and the bookshop owner,  there were two more people in there.

    We were in a large used books shop. It was big but it was nothing much of a shop actually. It was on the pavement in a side alley. Lot of books were just piled on one another on raised wooden platforms. These wooden platforms were set against a 10 foot wall and this was throwing a cool shade on the shop , thus serving as protection from the sun. It was on of my favorite haunts,  the coolness of the place , combined with the collection of books , afforded one the opportunity to while away several hours pleasantly , just diving through the piles and fishing for and browsing through those books. I came here almost every weekend.

    It was one such weekend , a lazy Saturday afternoon. I preferred to come here on Saturdays ,because on Sundays this place became very crowded and if you are the leisurely type , you wouldn’t want to elbow nor be elbowed while browsing through books. 

    She was standing a few feet away from me , leafing through a book. May be she sensed that I was looking at her , she suddenly turned in my direction and looked at me . I didn’t stop looking at her. We exchanged glances for a brief moment and she went back to her leafing.

 

    I noticed the title of the book . It was one by Dawkins, The God Delusion . I started thinking about the book . On how well Dawkins articulates , on the cogency of his thoughts , and the almost missionary passion that he brings to atheism . However , sometimes the stridency of the book disturbed me a little. As I was thinking , I noticed that she had put that book down and had picked up Sagan’s Demon Haunted World. Ofcourse , I thought , compared to Dawkins , Sagan was so balanced , couching his arguments in a much less strident language. As I started thinking about balance , and careful language and gentle critcisim , I noticed Will Durant’s Story of Philosphy. And I could not help reflecting on his balanced and almost gentle criticisms of various philosophers. As I leafed through that book , I came across a lot of philosophers whom I had always tried to understand but could not. 

     As I was cursorily going through the book , wondering was there any philosopher that I understood even slightly , I noticed her picking up a title by Bertrand Russell . Ofcourse , I thought , here was a man whom I understood a little atleast . I started thinking about his writings and his most famous came to my mind “ Why Am I not a Christian” . As I was recollecting what was said in the essay , thoughts about religion , about atheism and about science started coming to my mind.  As I was thinking about them , I noticed some of the best works on science that I had ever read , selfish gene , climbing mount improbable , dragons of eden , cosmos . All of them first rate , all of them immensely pleasurable reads. As I was thinking about those books , I was thinking not about their contents , but about the  pleasures , of curiosity , of surprise ,of admiration and most commonly of discovery that are almost always associated with them.  As I was wondering , if there were any other books , by reading which I had derived so much pleasure , I noticed her leafing through a collection of short stories of Maugham .

      Bingo , I thought .That was indeed one author , that I loved. I mean , his was probably some of the first novels that I had ever read. And they had left a lasting impression. As she was leafing through the book , my thoughts strayed from Maugham’s novels to his short stories and some of  my favorites started coming to my mind. Lord Mount drago , alien corn , a string of beads . I reflected on his writing style , the really amazing characters , and most of all his some of his unforgettable quotes . This led me on a bylane to think about humor and thereby some of it’s practitioning authors. And ofcourse Wodehouse sprang to mind immediately. I begain thinking about his works. The eccentric characters, the rib ticklngly funny lines , and the improbable , hilarious situations. I remarked to myself that , Wodehouse’s humor indeed comes from a combination of interesting characters and improbable situations , but his humor is never insane. As I was reflecting thus , I noticed her picking up a work of Douglas Adams . Ofcourse , I thought , the undisputed emperor of insane humor.

   

    It continued ,thus, for around two hours.

  After around two hours , I noticed her coming towards me. She was smiling at me.

 “Coffee honey?” , she said , “I am tired”

 “Sure” , I said , “the usual place?”

 

“yes”, she said

 As I walked out of the shop with her , she said ,” You know ,that was the one of the best conversations I ever had”

 I beamed down at my wife of two years. I was so glad I had married her.

 

 

 

    

 

.

THE ORGANIZATION

“We are extremely pleased to welcome you into this organization. We take this opportunity to both apprise you of your duties to the organization and also to tell you of the duties that the organization realizes that it has towards you. We also ……..”

The speaker continued as all of us listened in rapt attention. That was the director of the organization speaking to us on our first day at the office. I was particularly attentive and was craning forwards in my seat. I did not want to miss a single word of what he was saying. And the speaker was doing a great job of holding my attention. He was experienced – he had worked in the organization for just slightly under a billion years now – so I figured if anyone could talk with any authority and conviction about the organization I was going to work for , it was this guy. And he was a very good orator. And ofcourse it helped that he was peppering his speech with a lot of suggestively lewd jokes.

“ So rememeber guys and pretty girls …” , the director concluded , “the organization is like your family. It will nurture you, protect you and be with you in your times of need, but you also need to realize your duties towards the family. Then it will be one big happy family, growing bigger and happier because of the likes of you…”

The hall came down in thundering applause.
“Wow”, I thought, “what other fitting description of the organization than this. In fact I am sure the organization is actually a family.”

I was convinced actually because it was rumored that only the director of the organization and a select lucky few regularly conferred with the organization in a very secret corner room at the top of a very tall ivory tower situated on an unknown and normally inaccessible island on an otherwise uninhabited planet beyond the outer reaches of the Andromeda galaxy.

“I want to be among that lucky few one day”, I resolved to myself. So what if it had taken the director of the organization a billion years to do that . What with the attrition nowadays it might actually come down to three quarters of a billion years for me.

(Sorry I forgot to tell you that we are a very long lived race. Similar to the human beings in every respect but very long lived. That makes our lives fractionally more interesting. Ten raised to the power of negative 25 to be exact)

Thus started my stint with the organization. Determined in actions and clear in resolve.

First came the training period. It was stipulated to be upto half a century but in some cases it could be as long as a century. It was rumored that there were a few who had trained for a couple of centuries, but I had never met them, so I decided to treat them like I treated any other rumor - very seriously.
During this period , I attended a strategy session. It was called “Competition and how to ignore it” . I just loved it. Not the least because it was being presided upon by the deputy associate assistant vice director of the organization (four levels below the director). This guy knew what he was talking about. He concluded his talk thus, “ remember pretty guys and girls (did I tell you this guy was gay?). The organization does not tolerate competition. ”

I loved it . “Wow”, I thought, “ I guess the organization is like a warrior. A knight clad in shining black armor , riding a blacker horse , swinging a huge 7 feet sword( the warrior was 14 ft tall) and mercilessly hacking away at anyone who dared to stand in his way”

The more I thought about it , the more appropriate it sounded and the more I wanted to meet this warrior.

My training concluded , I took up my responsibilities. I worked very hard , my only aim in my professional life to be among the lucky few to meet the organization.

Five centuries passed thus.

At around the middle of the sixth century , there was a case of huge number of layoffs in the organization. I was among the lucky ones to be spared.

I attended a meeting after this case of layoffs which was presided by the both the President of Human resources and the president of Non Human resources of our organization. (It was rumored that the latter held far more power in the organization. I believed this , because this guy was rumored to be among the lucky few to meet the organization).

“ Remember pretty guys and pretty girls” , they concluded, (they were bi sexual) , “the organization clearly recognizes what elements to weed out”

“Wow” , I thought , “ the organization is like a gardener after all, carefully and lovingly nurturing the flowers in his garden and hacking of the weeds.”

The more I thought about it, the more it sounded appropriate.

After around 2 million years with the company , I was yet to be promoted. For the first time in my stint with the organization , I felt a little insecure and disappointed. I felt like quitting. But decided to talk to my boss. He succeeded in talking me out of it.

“The organization has it’s own accumulated wisdom and experience to decide what is good for you and what you need. Don’t worry , your time will come.” , he told me.

“wow”, I thought, “ the organization is really like a very wise ,very old man with a flowing white beard and a equally flowing white robes. It will definitely take care of me”

The more I thought about it, the more appropriate it sounded.

Fifty million years later, I had become the associate assistant deputy vice director (thrice removed) of the organization.

I attended another strategy session , which was called “WE ROCK – THEY SUCK”

I was excited. I always wanted to attend these sessions ,but it was possible only now as I attained this level in the organization. It was presided by the director of the organization.

“So remember guys and girls” (he was too old to be anything by then) ,he concluded, “the organization just tramples anyone in it’s path”

“Wow” , I thought , “ the organization really is like a fire breathing dragon. It just swoops in and occupies any territory that it wants , anyone in it’s way would just be turned into a tiny wisp of smoke”

The more I thought about it, the more appropriate it sounded.

Quarter of a billion years later….

I had arrived. I had become the second to second vice director of the organization( once removed). I was to be among the select lucky few to meet the organization. The director had just told me that.

I was thrilled.

I was excited. Finally , the day I had been looking forward to for so many days , was becoming a reality.

This was what I had been living for, this was what I had been working for.

To meet the organization, to confer with it, take it’s blessings and advice.

But most of all , I wanted to see how the organization looked. What it actually was.

I had imagined it to be so many things , in so many different forms and doing so many different things.

But what was it in reality? Was it one of these things , none of these things , or all of these things or did it simply changed form according to the situation? If it was the last was it really possible for the organization to be in so many forms in so many different situations.

These were the questions that were plaguing my mind. And I kept asking my director about it. He just smiled and said , “you will see for yourself”
Finally, the big day.

We traveled to the end of the Andromeda galaxy , reached the island and went up to the top of the ivory tower. I was beside myself with excitement and tension.

There was the final door. Beyond it was the organization. One more step and there was it.

I was very nervous as the door was being opened.

The door opened and there was it was . The organization!!!!! Right in the middle of the room.

The director immediately fell to his knees on seeing it. So did all the others.
As I also tried to kneel, I felt a very sharp pain in my left hand , which very swiftly traveled to my heart.
I was falling down clutching my heart. I was dying of cardiac arrest. I guess the shock was too much for me.
As my eyes were closing, in my final moment, I heard the squeak of the mouse in the center of the room.

THE EVENING

She looked up and smiled at him coyly. He looked down upon her lovingly. She snuggled closer to him. He leant forward and lightly brushed her cheeks with his lips. She leant closer to give him more access. As he tried to kiss her on the lips, she playfully pushed him away. Though he was expecting this, he playacted anger and turned away. She leant closer to him and with her palm turned his face towards her and gave her best smile. He couldn’t help smiling back.
“Coochie –Cooooooo” , she said
Not knowing the appropriate response to this, he merely smiled more.
“I looooove uuu” , she said crooningly…..
He very well knew the appropriate reply to this and he replied even more crooningly
“hmmmmmm….”
“Ok Ok now the movie is about to begin ..” she said .
“Yeah” , he said …
He had spent 500 rs for the tickets and the popcorn. He might as well watch this.
(“I looooove popcorn” , she had crooned earlier , in much the same tones as she had just proclaimed her love for him . And his reply was always appropriate .. “Hmmmmmmm”)
They were happy. He had proposed to her a month back. She had agreed. “Yeeeeeesssss” , she had crooned. He had met her parents. They had liked him. They were about to be married in another month’s time.
She crooned a lot. He tolerated it. She looooved popcorn. He didn’t mind buying it. And they both liked movies.
And they were very very happy.
As the titles were rolling out ,she snuggled very close to him and fed him popcorn.
The movie began.
It was not going very well.
In fact it was bad.
It was , truth be told, horrible.
As a matter of fact , it had achieved sublimity in being intolerable.
And it was the perfect opportunity for him to show off.
It was his chance to showcase his sense of humor and bolster her confidence in the choice of her mate.
And he was feeling particularly confident that evening.
“ What the hell …” , he ventured.
She looked up at him, smiled , made soothing noises and fed him popcorn.
He was very encouraged by this.
“Why the hell did we have to come to this movie” , he said in an exaggeratedly mocking fashion.
She smiled more and fed him more popcorn. This was like a direct intravenous dose of adrenalin for him.
“ This is what happens when we listen to your ideas” , he said with a chuckle , riding an ever rising wave of confidence.
“My ideaaaa????” , she crooned. Her hand , which was about to feed him popcorn stopped in midair.
Normally under different circumstances , he would have changed the topic , but he was feeling particularly confident or suicidal , whichever way you look at it.

He said , “then what???…just like all your ideas” ….he chuckled more.
To be fair to him , he thought this was genuinely funny and what’s more ,passionately believed in what he said.

“And what are my other ideas that you don’t find good?” she asked extremely sweetly and with a killer smile on her face.
Under normal circumstances, he would have recognized these signs and retreated , but as we already said, he was feeling particularly confident or suicidal , whichever way you look at it.
“Oh that’s easy” , he said .
He wasn’t particularly observant of the fact that her smile was getting sweeter by the minute and that she had stopped feeding him popcorn.
“Like the time when you had brought that silly flaming red top of yours” , he said
Again he wasn’t very observant or considerate of the fact that , that’s what she was wearing right then and that it was her favorite.
“Oh you don’t like it???” , she asked in the sweetest of voices.
Under any other circumstances , he would have construed this as a signal to parachute out off the nose diving aircraft but as we already said he was feeling particularly confident or suicidal , whichever way you look at it.
“Are you kidding ??? It makes you look fat ,……… as if you need it” ….he said chuckling out loud now.
Her smile was at it’s sweetest now. And she was eating the popcorn herself.
Under normal circumstances , he would have unconditionally surrendered at this sign , but as we already said he was feeling particularly confident or suicidal , whichever way you look at it.
“Well not your fault ….you look like your mom” ….he was slowly and dangerously surely getting lost in his own world now and laughed out loud.
“Don’t disturb the others”, she said in a honey dipped voice.
Under normal circumstances , he would have correctly understood this as “SHUT UP” , but as we already said he was feeling particularly confident or suicidal , whichever way you look at it.
“Disturb the others ???”, he said , “as if you don’t do it with your crooning all the time” …he was laughing louder now.
She had stopped eating the popcorn. And she looooved popcorn.
“You are very funny” , she said sweetly , “ you can see humor in the most trivial of things and make them sound sooo funny”
Under normal circumstances , this would have been like a splash of icy cold water on a December morning for him , but as we already said he was feeling particularly confident or suicidal , whichever way you look at it.
“Remember when we were in that restaurant and you had ….” ,he started.
It went on
It continued till the movie was over. He joked and he joked well . He was genuinely funny. He talked about her dresses , her crooning , the way she talked and not least of all her family.
And her smile kept getting sweeter and her voice dipped in honey twice and thrice over.
Under normal circumastances he would have noticed that she had stopped snuggling , wasn’t feeding him popcorn and worse still wasn’t eating any herself. But as we already said he was feeling particularly confident or suicidal , whichever way you look at it.
He genuinely thought he was being funny.
He thought he was saving the evening.
He thought he was entertaining her.
And he continued doing so.
The movie ended. He was in particularly high spirits.
He thought he had impressed her enough.
She was smiling and most importantly she said she found him funny.
He thought the evening went very well.
And all the more reason why he could not understand why she broke up with him the next day.

THE PURSUIT OF ‘HAPPY’NESS

Just finished watching this movie starring Will Smith for like, the nth time. I just love this movie. What makes this movie work for me is not the struggle of the guy to get that job in the brokerage firm he is interning for. Nor is it the huge odds that the guy has to overcome. Its not even the poignancy of his life. I mean all these things have been brought out extremely well in the movie, no doubt about that. But to be very honest , struggle –against –insurmountable –odds –to achieve –things in the end kind of stories have almost become a cliché , I mean we respect that but are no longer awed or inspired by that stuff.

What makes this movie work for me is the clearly articulated motivation of the protagonist to do all the things that he does in the movie. He wanted to be happy. But that’s what everyone wants , isn’t it? Yet , no place else have I seen the motivation being articulated so clearly and unambiguously ..” All of them looked so happy ..why cant I be like that” . And that’s where it all starts.

I mean we all keep talking about our goals …we neatly divide them into long term ,short term , middle term , short to medium term …too medium to be long term and so on. In various movies ,different protagonists are shown to be motivated in different ways. For instance , its revenge for some , patriotism for others and sheer manhood (real ,imagined and most importantly perceived)for most protagonists in a lot of Tamil and Telugu movies!!!!

But this motivation struck me as the simplest, truest and the most fundamental of all …..”I want to be happy like they are” . He is not envying their position in life ,nor was he envying the broker’s material wealth in that scene , he is envying them for their happiness , without being bitter about it.

Even better than that was his admiration of Thomas Jefferson for saying “Pursuit of Happiness” instead of happiness in the declaration of independence. I mean no one is entitled to happiness nor can the state guarantee it to its citizens like it can ensure liberty and justice. But yes, you are entitled to pursue it. And this is perhaps the most fundamental of human motivations and the declaration recognized it. No wonder that , to date the declaration retains relevance.

But that brings me to another question. What is being happy ?? I mean , yes I know all that stuff about each one searching for his own happiness and looking for happiness within himself and loads of crappy stuff like that . They are a given. I am not talking about the various means and tools that people use in the pursuit to happiness but the various feelings and emotions that characterize the state of happiness . Does that state exist?? If it does is it distinguishable from other states like joy , satisfaction and contentment?? Most importantly should we make that distinction???

How should we measure happiness?? We keep making statements like “I would have been happier if….” ,suggesting gradations and degrees of happiness. What does that mean??? How are we measuring happiness in this case.???

How should we measure happiness ?? Wikipedia suggests that it is a function of various emotions relating to the past ,to the present and to the future.

For instance .satisfaction about the past …hope for the future etc. Essentially this makes happiness your bottomline figure in the balance sheet of life. Add up all good feelings , subtract all bad ones ..make provisions for future good or bad ones and lo behold ..you know whether you are happy or not. Of course assuming that your feelings are a reliable and accurate indicator of what you have done in and with your life and that they faithfully represent all of that.

Ofcourse this means that this bottomline figure will be different in different situations , at different stages in life and different points in time . Of course this seems acceptable . We all are differently happy in different situations.


Is this happiness???

Some people define happiness as harmony , some as self actualization .

Some say happiness should be looked at in a rather long term perspective ,rather than foucssing on things like immediate gratification ..Is it true???

Imagine a person who is striving towards a goal. He is satisfied about his past. Hopeful about the future . Hence his happiness balance sheet is in the black .He is not focusing on immediate gratification . He knows he will be happy if he achieves what he has set out for. On the way he is encountering a lot of odds. He is not happy at all. He wants to achieve the goal as quickly as possible. And he is very confident that he would be happy if he achieves it. He does , And he is happy. For a while. Then ennui sets in. Now he is unhappy that it is over. He feels he would have been happier if it were not over.

So should happiness be a function of the journey or of the destination??? If the journey is through hell then can even heaven as a destination make us happy???


I wish I knew whether I am happy or not.