THE SEGMENTATION

“The Store: Customized Solutions” , the bright glow sign board said. It was a very impressive glow sign board. It was huge , 15 by 10 atleast , and glowed all bright red and dark green. I just loved it. And what the board was saying also seemed very intriguing.

I was standing outside of the store that the glow sign board was advertising. It had opened shop very recently. I had heard a lot about it in the news. One of the biggest business houses in the country , was getting into the retailing business. And they were the ones who had come up with this apparently novel format.

I couldn’t wait to walk in. For one , I have a weakness for huge , glowing sign boards , and two I was intrigued by what the board said. So , I walked into the store.

“Welcome Sir” , one of the attendants smiled at me. She was cute.

“Hi”, I said and smiled back . She was really cute.

“How can I help you sir , what are you looking for?” , she asked.

“Yeah …, well am looking for a toothbrush” , I said . Damn , she was cute.

“Right this way sir” ,she said , and led me to the dental care section , where there were whole racks filled with toothbrushes. I guess hundreds of them , in various shapes , sizes and colors and varieties.

I looked through the racks for a second , and picked one up and turned to go.

“Just a second sir”, she said . I was delighted , was she going to ask me out..?

I stopped and smiled at her . And as I waited she beckoned to someone. Another attendant walked up to us , with a laptop computer in his hands.

He nodded to me , and handed the computer over to her. She powered it up , and looked upto me and smiled once again.

“So sir , how old are you?”, she asked.

“uhhhhh…well….” , I was flustered, I hadn’t seen that coming.

She smiled at me , and asked again , “ Are you in the 25-40 years age group?”, she asked.

“Yeah ,” , I said , it was close.

She typed into her computer.

“And what would you say your yearly income would be?”

I was taken aback. “Excuse me , “ , I said .

“Would you say , you are in the 5 – 15 lac income segment ?”, she persisted.

“Yeah”, I said , getting more and more flustered.

“And are you self employed ?”, she asked .

“Yeah” , I said. This was getting now very very weird.

“Are you married , sir?”, she asked.

“Yes..” , I said reluctantly . There go my chances of being asked out , I thought.

“Hmmm..” , she said, noting all of it down. She typed something more , into her computer , and then stared into it for several minutes.

“Hmm..” , she said again after a while.

“The loser segment,” , she said , after a pause , “I have it all figured out now”

“Whattt?” , I asked.

“Nothing sir , ignore that”, she said, “as part of our ongoing efforts to improve customer experience , and provide him with the best of products and services , we have developed a software , which was the result of years of research into consumer behavior . Coupled with psychology and statistics , this is a really powerful software sir. We use it all the time. So allow me to customize a dental solution for you”

I was blown away. Wowww!!! I thought , so much effort , had been put into helping people with taking a decision like buying a toothbrush , and wowww again , she had called it a dental solution , not buying a toothbrush.

“Gooddyy” , I said , “lets hear it” .

“Ok , sir , first of all , I strongly advise , you buy three toothbrushes.” , she said.

“Why” , I asked , “I only need one, I mean , my wife and the kid have brand new ones already, And I can always walk into the store , and buy ano…..”

“But sir ,”, she cut me off , “weren’t you growing up during the war days , which was followed by drought. Come on , you have a scarcity mindset . What if all the toothbrushes in the store , are bought off and we run out of stock , and we don’t have another when you come back next time?”

“ I will go to another store “ , I said confused.

“What if , all the toothbrushes in the town are bought off sir , I mean wouldn’t it be inconvenient for you to drive to another town and buy them. Come on sir , you were brought up during the war , and you are supposed to have a scarcity mindset according to the software . Be true to your self sir , don’t try be somebody else.” , she said.

I was very confused now , but also ashamed , that I was not being myself , as she said.

“ok” , I said , “I will buy three” , and I reached out and picked a couple more identical to the ones that I had picked. They were all the same and all white.

“Sir….. “ , she said , eyeing my toothbrushes

Uh , oh …what had I done now ? What part of my personality was I not living upto this time. ?

“But sir , aren’t you the variety seeking type? I mean , you were bought up during the war , and that put a lot of restrictions on you , now that you are earning and self employed , you seek to express yourself and your freedom in a variety of ways . They are usually small as you don’t want to take undue risks , right sir? So why pick up all white? Be true to your self sir , don’t try be somebody else” , she said.

Damn , I had done it again , why couldn’t I be true to myself just once.

“ok,” , I said , and picked up a grey and a black colored toothbrush that were identical to the white one except for the colors.

I looked at her expectantly. Did I get it right this time?

She didn’t seem satisfied though. She was distastefully looking at my toothbrushes.

“But sir , now that you are self employed , and earning well and well settled , don’t you seek to show to the world atleast once in a while , that you have arrived , that you are different , don’t you really want to show off to the world , your status? The software says so right here sir . Be true to your self sir , don’t try be somebody else.” , she said.

I was near tears now . How can I keep doing this ? How can I not know myself ? How can I simply continue being someone else.?

I put the white one down and picked a bright orange toothbrush, looking at her expectantly. She frowned and I quickly put that one down and picked a yellow one. She seemed satisfied with this.

“Now sir , how about buying a toothpaste ?”, she asked.

“But I don’t need toothpaste , I have some at home.” , I said and the moment I said it , I regretted it. She frowned. It was going to be clear in a short while that I had betrayed some part of personality again.

“Sirrrrr..”, she said in an exaggerated fashion , my not being true to my own self , really seemed to be pissing her off, “ you are the type who looks for quality , comprehensive solutions. Being bought up during the war , had that effect on you. You are not the type who would simply buy a toothbrush and run out , you are not the type who buys products sir , you buy solutions. Be true to your self sir , don’t try be somebody else.” , she said , and this time she sounded angry.

Shitttt.. I thought ..not again . I was an idiot .

“Ok “, I said determined to make it upto her ,. “I shall buy three cartons of toothpaste , all three in different flavors , and one of them which comes in a bright yellow packing.” There , I had stayed true to my personality this time.

I looked at her for approval . I was so proud of myself.

She merely nodded.

“Sir ,” , she begin again , “ aren’t you going to buy anything for your wife ?“ , she asked.

“But she already has a toothbrush , and I just bought toothpaste too” , I said, almost pleading.

“But sir ,” , she said , “you were brought up during the war. And that has made you a family person. And you are the type , who would always give his wife her due , and respect and cherish her. And not buying anything for her , when you are buying something for yourself , makes you guilty. Isnt that right sir? Be true to your self sir , don’t try be somebody else.”

I was really feeling guilty now .How could I do that to my wife. I did love and cherish her.

“But .” , I said choking with emotion , “she already has a toothbrush.”

“Then how about a diamond ear ring sir? Being the type who is a family guy , you do want good things for her right ? I mean it was the war that made you so. Be true to your self sir , don’t try be somebody else.”, she said.

“Yes yes ..”, I said wiping my tears , “yes , a diamond earring will do.” What a solution. I wanted to hug her. But did not , as I was the family man type.

As I walked out of the store , with three toothbrushes , three cartons of toothpaste ,and a diamond earring , I thanked , the attendant , she had really made me realize my true self. I was never going to try to be somebody else again.