DARK DAYS

Bouts of depression, days of insomnia regularly punctuated with hypersomnia, self doubt , philosophical ramblings (mostly to myself) and above all , an inexplicable , gripping and paralyzing fear of the future – these are currently the dominating features of my life.
When whatever the little philosophical landscape you know is being dominated by Spinoza and Schopenaur , you can safely say that you are more than a little depressed. In my tranquil moments , I have always admired Kant and in my joyous ones , Voltaire and that German , Fredrick. But right now it is the two Ss all the way.

( Al right , that aside was just to show off a little . )


Almost all of us have a fear of the future, and some regrets about the past. That’s actually healthy to an extent. But when you always keep thinking about things that could have been and worrying about the things to come, then something wrong is seriously afoot. Now I am not one of those people who hold mistaken notions of grandeur about themselves, nor am I terribly ambitious, but I would like to think that the future does hold some goodies and that my past hasn’t totally been a waste.

I remember a SOP I once wrote. It went something like ,” I want to grow, in stature , in mind and in spirit and at the same time contribute to my family , to the organization that I work for and above all to society . I want to make a difference , to myself and to others around me and when I look back at things , I want to be able to honestly say to myself , that they turned out for the better , because I was around” ….

Looking back at it, I cant help saying , “ What a load of crap!!!” At least , in my current mental state.

. I have been making lists of things that I should have had ideally .(And invariably “ the perfect girl” tops the list)

Anyways, I guess its high time to buckle up and dust up Voltaire and start dreaming about the perfect career and the perfect girl.