MY MOM,MY FRIENDS AND MY DATES

Sunday morning. It is early morning 10 o clock . (I get up regularly at 2 in the afternoon everyday) My mobile begins to ring.

I ignore it. It stops ringing after a while. Then it starts ringing again. Anyone who has gotten a call they don’t want to take but have no choice would understand the distinct changes in the tone of the ringing as it continues Insistent at first , a little demanding later on and very angry finally.

I looked at the screen. The words “MOM” were flashing. I don’t know if I was just groggy with sleep or if it was real , but it seemed as though if I did not take the call soon enough , the words would become the person under question and my mom herself would jump out from the phone , for real.

I always dread that possibility, so I picked up the call.

“Hi son , good morning” , my ever cheery Mom.
“Hi mom” , me
“Not up yet ? You have always been very lazy” , slightly accusing tone but still good natured
“…..” …This did not merit any comment from my side.

“So , you did not call yesterday” , slightly mischievous tone with an overtone which would suggest anticipation

“ Was kinda busy mom. Ummm….had a party last night” …

Uh oh…I thought …here it comes. The moment I dreaded . The reason why I do not want to talk to my mom on Sunday mornings.

“So you had a date?” ….There it was. The punch line .It s impossible to describe the rainbow of overtones and undertones with which she delivers this. But I will try.

First there was anticipation. Then there was hope that I would say yes . Then there was a certain defeatist tone (you have to listen very carefully to decipher this) , in realization that the hope , after all was a false one. Then there was sympathy . Then a certain amount of anxiety, which I believe comes from the fear of my dateless future , because it has become distinctly strong of late.

Silence for a while. I hate to do this . But I always have to. I have to tell her the truth.

“No mom , stop pulling my leg”

Another silence. Then a sigh . Then again silence.

“ok …anyways get up now. Its late . Call you later” , the tone vibrating with sympathy.

I cant go back to sleep now. Not after ruthlessly breaking her heart for the umpteenth time.

I do this every Sunday. Like some heartless , cruel barbarian whose only mission in life is to spoil his mom’s Sundays.

But honestly , I cant help it.

I have been trying or at least thinking of trying to get a girl friend from a very long time now.

The need first expressed itself strongly in class 10. Unfortunately , then I was friends with a guy whose only mission in life was to top and to top with a huge margin. (He was bespectacled , thin and emaciated and always nervous) . He convinced me that girls like studious guys , who acted as though they did not care for girls.
I was convinced . But unfortunately I was neither studious but was very good at showing I did not care . (Not that it would have mattered if I had shown otherwise) . So zilch there.

That bespectacled freak son of a gun is already married.

Then plus two. Another friend. Mission this time : IIT. “Man” , he used to say , “ get into an IIT ,girls will flock to you” …made sense at that time

Same result as earlier . No IIT , no girl friend .

That guy , when he last spoke to me from IIT , Madras , was talking about his 4 th girlfriend in as many months.

Engineering. Mission : IIM . Suspect : another worthy friend . “You know what, you will find a lot of nice girls in IIM”

I got into an IIM. And I am getting out of it now. Zilch.

That worthy friend is now in New York and has just sent his girl friend a brand new laptop.

IIM.
Venue : friend’s room
Topic of conversation : the drought in my life

My friend , “ You know what , your playground is now going to get a lot bigger. Workplace man , workplace”

This guy is getting married in August.
I did not know what to say.
Then he says this (he is slightly older than me ) , “When I was your age, I had already proposed man”
It took an enormous amount of will power not to strangle him.

I have decided never to trust my friends.

There are two desperate hopes I have now .

One : Let all Sundays disappear
Two : I hope my marriage is not made in heaven.